dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
