that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize