At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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