I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
