i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
