i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
fuck your aforementioned shoe
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize