I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
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