I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
