i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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