last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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