Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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