Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
