i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize