Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
