come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
