Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
