one word: firstdatebathroomanal
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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