my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
