Redeem this text for a blowjob
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
