There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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