moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
