If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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