nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
