I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
