Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
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