i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
