were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
