i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
