girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
