he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize