dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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