we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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