3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
