Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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