the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Did I show you my penis last night?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
