i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
the liver wants what the liver wants
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
