Jerry, you need to find god
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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