the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
being pregnant is like rehab
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
