nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
