i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
