Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
