Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
