In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
