I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
No subtext here. People are naked.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
