so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
