someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Randomize
