just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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