i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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