Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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