I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
