i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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