Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
