I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
