A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
