ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
vagina is talking i cant
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
