My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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