Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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