I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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