your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize