Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize