So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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