...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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