I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I looked at my own cervix.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
