You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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