I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize