I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
