If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
