I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
