i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize