there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
