Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
