You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Randomize
