Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
It's blow job season.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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