So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
