They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
