did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
