So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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