Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
