We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I need a burrito and a hug.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
