They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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